THE ROAD THAT I TOOK !!!!

Well it has been a long time and maybe I will pick it up again. Stopped because blogging about the day to day grind became a grind in itself; the hope for relief from writing just disappeared and in itself turned into yet another required task at a time when there was too many tasks and not enough smiles.

                                         A remarkable thing happened about a week ago. Like a veil lifting from my eyes, the depression that had been laying on me for the past four years lifted. Just like that, the gray wet blanket that had been lying on my head was gone.What was left? Feelings of deep sadness and fatigue mostly,but also an ability to feel much more keenly than had been allowed to me over the past several years.Apparently,i  feel HAPPY,and thats a big one.Everyone interrogated me in all the ways possible to find the reason of my exuberant state.My mom ,even tried to bribe me but i really dint know what was disturbing me and now why isnt that disturbing me anymore.??Everyday , i get loads of sleep. I feel like going somewhere warm for a while and roast on a beach.I can feel the clear sky and my emotional batteries recharging.??

BUT,for how long will this feeling of relief stay.A week from now i am going to be 22,the bench mark for a girl from a catholic family, with legacy and blind belief.The church bells are ringing in my ears .The hunt for the  young executive go-getters has begun,waiting for the nodding head and satisfying smile.Scripts, dialogues, menus ,and planned obsolescence.Today,how should i feel ,?? what should i prepare for ,another cloud thats going to descend on me or expect a thunder storm. ??

Though this is what the world half expects , when you reach a crossroad you can always take a DETOUR .so here i am,looking at the two roads


"and am sorry that i could not travel both,
and be one traveler long i stood
and looked  down one as far as I could
to where it bent in the undergrowth;

then took the other , as just as fair,
and having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
i doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."-Robert Frost,23rd August,1953.


And now his poem makes perfect sense. I am  feeling good about these things. Starting to enjoy the fact of the professional success. Enjoying time spent with myself. Enjoying the long walk  Enjoying the fact that I can feel sad.The goal and decision i have chosen for now is not a deep Freudian analysis, rather just to help me through this period, learn things about myself, help me develop some tools so I can be better in future career and relationships, and help me get out from under the grinding depression.So here i am hoping to pick everything back that i either lost or left on the way ,to fill in the blanks ,to tell the tale,which is not finished but it looks like it has potential for a happy ending.